How Uzumaki Naruto Took Over the World
by AbsolutelyNot10
Summary: To this day, we still aren't sure how he did it. Maybe fate helped him. Maybe dumb luck. Maybe we all just weren't paying attention. Written for no purpose. Plotless. Rated T to be safe.


Once upon a time, in Konoha, there lived five ninja ready to take over the world. After all, isn't that what they were trained to do? But no, they couldn't take over the world just yet. They had one last item on their list.

If they were going to take over the world, they needed a leader. Someone strong, with fierce battle reflexes and superb strength. Someone who would lead them to victory with a shining smile and giant muscles.(Or, at the very least, someone who was a responsible adult and therefore should take the blame if they were caught.) But since they couldn't have that, they turned to the next best thing. Or, rather, not the next best thing. Maybe the 20th best thing. That's right, fellas. These five shining examples of chivalry and grace went to the one and only, chronically tardy, slightly perverted, Hatake Kakashi.

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''Oi! Sensei, open up!'' Naruto hollered, pounding the door with both fists. Choji, Lee, Naruto, Shikamaru, and Kiba stood huddled in front of Kakashi's apartment. While they were a rather odd group to be taking over the world, they each had their own reasons for being there.

You see, Naruto and Lee actually thought it was a good idea. Kiba wanted to prove he could do anything they could. Shikamaru, being the Super-Genius that he was, probably had some awesome strategy that going along with their plan would help, and besides, it was too troublesome to force them off anyway. Choji was just there because Shikamaru was.

Kakashi opened the door a crack and peered down at him. ''Naruto, what are you doing here? There is no training today,'' Kakashi said.

''Yeah, well, I was hoping you could help us take over the world and-''

''No.'' Kakashi said, and shut the door in their faces.

''Hey, you don't hafta be so mean about it!'' Naruto exclaimed. You see, Kakashi was smart. He knew exactly what he would have been getting into if he had agreed. Namely, self-sacrifice.

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Ahem. Let's start this again, shall we?

Once upon a time, in Konoha, there lived five ninja ready to take over the world. After all, isn't that what they were trained to do? But no, they couldn't take over the world just yet. They had one last item on their list.

If they were going to take over the world, they needed a leader. Someone strong, with fierce battle reflexes and superb strength. Someone who would lead them to victory with a shining smile and giant muscles.(Or, at the very least, someone who was a responsible adult and therefore should take the blame if they were caught.) But since they couldn't have that, they turned to the next best thing. Or, rather, not the next best thing. Maybe the 20th best thing. That's right, fellas. These five shining examples of chivalry and grace went to the one and only, chronically tardy, slightly perverted, Hatake Kakashi. But that didn't quite work out, so they went to the 21st best thing, the temperamental, alcoholic, gambling addict, Lady Tsunade.

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Needless to say, she kicked the ninja out of her office faster than you can say Habanero Peppers. So they went to Ibiki. That...did not end well.

The poor, tortured, psychologically abused ninja went to Kurenai, which might have worked out if Hinata had not been present and had not fainted at the sight of Naruto. Kiba stayed to deal with the aftermath.

''Hey, Naruto, I'll just stay here and keep an eye on Hinata, all right?''

They went to Gai and lost brain cells, along with Lee.

''I am sorry, Naruto! I cannot resist this new training regime!''

They went to Asuma and lost Shikamaru, and by extension, Choji.

''Too troublesome… You know what? You go on without me.''

''Naruto, I think I'm going to stay here with Shikamaru.''

Naruto was now left alone. Finally, as a desperate, last resort, he went to the 50th best thing and sought out the legendary Sannin Jiraiya and then asked(read: forced) him to join him on his mission.

~Flashback no Jutsu~

''Pervy Sage, please! You gotta help me!'' Naruto pleaded.

''Why should I, and kid, I thought I told you to stop calling me that,'' Jiraiya sighed. He wasn't going to be able to convince him to leave that easily.

Poor Naruto begged, pleaded, and groveled. Finally, he pulled out his trump card.

''SEXY JUTSU!''

Jiraiya, one of the three legendary Sannin, fell to the ground in a heap with blood spurting out of his nose.

''Hey, uh, hey, Pervy Sage, wake up!''

~End Flashback~

Naruto sighed, remembering this memory. He might have succeeded in getting Pervy Sage to help if he hadn't been so easily taken down by the sexy jutsu… Wait. That was it. A candle went on above Naruto's head. How many other people would succumb to the Sexy Jutsu like that? Who was to say he couldn't use that to take over the world? Naruto began to plot aloud, oblivious to Jiraiya waking up.

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Jiraiya sidled into the small apartment. ''Well, Naruto, I couldn't help but hear you the other day, when you mentioned your plans to take over the world…. Well, kid, how would you like to go on a training trip?''

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2 and a half years later, Uzumaki Naruto returned to the village with a loud yell. ''MULTI SHADOW CLONE JUTSU!'' ''Alright, guys, you know what to do!''

''Right!'' A loud chorus of shouts came back. ''MULTI-SEXY JUTSU!'' half of them yelled. ''REVERSE MULTI-SEXY JUTSU!''the other half yelled.

''All, right, let's get to work!'' Naruto shouted, then jumped down into the village.

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Within minutes, all the shinobi and the villagers had succumbed to the Multi-Sexy Jutsu. They steadily took over the entire shinobi realm. Around 3 years later, Naruto and Jiraiya were living a dream, happily ruling over everything there was.

That was how Naruto and his Sexy Jutsu took over the world.


End file.
